Level 10 Dark Wizard

Dinner at Penas

Level 10 Dark Wizard:

On Friday it was h-o-t hot, about 101 degrees at noon. We were suffering even in our air conditioned car. There was absolutely no one crazy enough to be outside so we decided to go check up on one of our investigators who has been struggling with a few things lately. 

The lesson was nothing noteworthy, it's hard to try and help someone when they don't want to listen to you. So we made little progress. He [our investigator] is really struggling with peer pressure, he ha friends who always ask us for money and booze, and when we say no one of them shrieks in a Kinyarwanda/English Creole about how we are demons or how we use magic. Not the most Spiritually conducive crowd on the block.

We finished the lesson and stepped out into the blistering heat, then this ratty suburban drifted around the corner and by drift, I mean took the turn into the parking lot too sharp and ran over the curb and brushed into the fence pushing in the passenger rearview mirror. Basically the way the Pizza Planet delivery driver drives in Toy Story.

It came to a screeching halt and I got ready to say, "No I don't have any money." Then our other investigator, Florence leaned out of the passenger window, "HELLOOO friends!" She hollered and jumped out of the car. She immediately started chatting with us in her broken English. Then the drivers side opened and everything went slow-mo.

We looked and walking towards us was a middle-aged African-American (not an African-African) he had a graying beard and graying hair and it looked like he hadn't seen a shower in days. He strutted towards us wearing dark everything. Mostly he looked pretty normal, distinguished. Everything except for one thing: he had dark wizard robes on. I'm not talking about baggy grim reaper robes that pose a tripping hazard. I'm talking about sleek, tight, clean robes. Casual enough that you could fight the Dovahkiin in them but formal enough that you could wear them to Sauron's graduation. 

This Fort Worth Warlock approached us and asked, "Are y'all Mormons?" In that slightly raspy voice that all black men have. "Uh, yeah... so you've heard of us?"

He got really excited and said, "Have I ever! I've read the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price like 3 times!" Just when I could tell things were getting interesting Florence indicated she wanted to talk with me.

So Elder Alleman got to have a cool conversation with a Necromancer of North Texas, and I talked to Florence. In order to avoid offending her I didn't listen to the other guy, eventually though, Florence left and we both spoke with this Sorcerer of the South. Before he had sounded pretty cool but now he was sounding exactly like someone who was wearing black wool robes in the middle of the summer. Most of what he said I forgot, it was all false doctrine though. 

Here's a part I do remember

"I especially like the part about the Worim and Thumb-man" said the wizard.

"You mean Urim and Thummim?" Elder Alleman replied.

"Yea, yea, yea, The Urine and Thuddin. One time my brother and I were at the river and I picked me up a smooth white stone, but I didn't know what it was so I threw it back. Then I stole y'alls books from my invalid neighbor because she wasn't reading them. Then I learned 'bout the Yoo-hoo and Drumming. Now I'm kicking myself because that would have helped me in my calling as a seer!"

We were in a hurry so we made him speed up. Finally, after 30 minutes we got him to wrap up his sermon. I asked what his name was and he said, "You can't even comprehend my name." 

I pressed him though and he continued to resist.

His name was Steven Blackman. 

I did the "African" handshake which is similar to tge "Hey Arnold!" handshake. Steven got riled up when he saw that and tokd me, "I was creating my own nation," and also "The Lord had called him to discover the purpose of the fistbump." 

After he ranted for another 10 minutes he got the English elders contact info from us. And when we got in the car he disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

Je vous aime,

Elder Murdoch

Pic 1: Dinner at Peñas

Video: Ignore our Spanish Christmas music